You have done your homework, created the perfect online dating profile, sifted thru endless emails in your POF inbox. Mastered the art of sending an online dating first message. Had some simple conversations on the phone and tonight’s the big night. Most of us humans will be nervous, and for many of us that translates to non-stop chattering. What should find its way into that first real meeting? What should we keep under our hat for now? We all want to be judged on who we are, not what we have. Not for the mistakes we have made or hardships endured. We are selling a bright future, not looking for someone to adopt a lost puppy. Though adversity very much makes us stronger, even molding our character at its core. We all very much need to be used car salesmen: who in case haven’t noticed, always position themselves in the middle of that vehicle to hide door dings as you walk up, outstretched hands, claiming this to be a fine automobile!

I’m a Real Estate Barron

Do you really want to be attractive for your money? While your chosen field of endeavor will come up inside that first conversation and if truly a brain surgeon, a little hard to hide ones assumed wealth. But you can still make your earning potential secondary and should. People form all kinds of opinions based on personal wealth. And this can be taken even farther if family wealth comes into light. How could this happen? Mention you are planning to spend a couple of weeks at the family compound in San Tropez comes to mind. I’m also not sure you could ever word this in a way that won’t look like you are bragging, anyway.

That Last One Was…  

There is a saying in the dating world “less history equals more mystery” and besides if doing things right, we are limiting the time for a completed first encounter to no more than three hours. So why fill this precious window of opportunity with horror stories of bad relationships or date disasters. That second one is oddly almost unavoidable, especially if you two do hit it off.  It will come out something like “wish all my dates were like this” and flood gates burst open as you two share war stories about nut jobs you couldn’t wait to get away from. Let these funny, well earned lessons take up time in a hoped for second date and steer conversation back into the core. I look at it this way; one of my own personal strengths is an ability to weave light hearted humor, sense of ease and brevity into almost any topic.  Anybody could share laughter over war stories surrounding bad dates. You want that person sitting across from you to drive home thinking you made everything feel easy and real conversation almost seamless. And besides, they have had those bad date laughs with everyone including their friends. Use your time wisely to let them know you have that rare skill-set that can make any topic light hearted and fun.

I Have a Wooden Leg

The very first date comes with absolutely no required “full disclosure” clause. And while it might seem obvious, you can’t trust anyone you just met with secrets anyway, no matter how well your getting along. There are oddly some persona out there that in some Munchhausen spin on poor  me. They believe lived thru hardships are some marketable feature to wrap oneself around another person’s heart strings. The only thing it should bring is the waiter to the table with the check if you sense the presence of this emotional vampire. Anyway, just know whatever it is, give yourself a chance and them a chance to love the other things about you as well. A mastectomy does not make one not worthy of love. There is plenty of time to divulge any dark or even grey areas inside ones life in the future. Give things a chance.

So You Earned That Sobriety Coin

We all have personal demons and if overcome, also a great deal of pride for the monumental accomplishment. While you should be proud, the goal of tonight is fun and besides this sensitive information should be saved for another time. There is a chance it may come up when your date orders wine and yourself declines. I’m not sure why it universally thought everyone on this planet who can drink does. Simply explain you prefer a different beverage and remain careful of subtle signals you may give off while turning down the offer. Heck, you could be Mormon for that matter or another personal reason. Most dating sites throw that knowledge out there along with which way you load the toilet paper roll.

My Family Not Only Drives Me Nuts…

Your brother chases Japanese whaling ships. Mother sews flags for a country that doesn’t even exist. And only a few years ago you found out the gardener is your real father. What ever the case may be, not only is this a stranger at the moment and your family deserves their own truths a little better protected. The fact of the matter is mental instability runs in families. And much like the saying goes; if you want to know how your future wife might end up, get to know her mother. Keep these skeletons in the closet for now and be aware over-sharing can honestly even be a turn-off to someone with a strong family bond. They may think to themselves, nothing is sacred to you and if willing to throw your dirt out to just about anyone, their own secrets will never be safe with you.

I Know Mick Jagger

There is never a good reason to embellish the story of your life. We all tend to feel our world a bit boring with social media driving home the notion everyone’s life is more exciting than ours. Not only will the truth come out in the long run, starting anything out as a liar is just wrong on so many levels. What ever amped up version of yourself you think seems better, its not the person you want this new someone to fall in love with anyway. One has to chuckle at the notion you describe your siblings life because its just more interesting and then in the future come home early to the surprise of your life.

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